Who Will be the one in to Take my Place?
by Cards
Summary: (Challange fic) About Dutchy's longterm girfriend dying and how he copes. About moving on and living.


A seven year old boy with pale blonde hair and cornflower blue eyes ran down the hall of the apartment building to the open arms of an older version of himself, hair more golden then his own.

"Dutchy" He grinned Hugging him. "You heard any news about my mom?"

Dutchy sighed "Lets go inside." He said giving the boy a piggy back ride to the door, his own blue eyes were pensive and filled with a sign of trouble.

"Well what was the news?" Specs asked seeing the two come in. He'd volunteered to stay with them and help during this time. His brown eyes were filled with worry looking at the two blondes whose lives were so wrapped up in confusion already.

"Astrid's dying" Dutchy said putting the boy down. "They found another tumor." Sven gulped.

"What?" He asked his own cornflower blue eyes looking up at the man who had raised him and been the best of a father he could be. "What does that mean?" He asked beginning to cry.

Dutchy leaned forward hugging him. "It means your mom is going to die" He said crying. Astrid had been his girlfriend for six years, she'd loved him. She'd taken care of him and she'd allowed him into her life. Now she was going to be gone. "I'm so sorry" He gulped.

"What about what's going to happen to me?" Sven asked gulping as he hugged Dutchy desperately. The name had come from when he was a little kid and Dutch's name was too plain. It had just stuck and now everyone called him that. "Am I gunna be an orphan?" He asked looking up at him with wide eyes.

"No, your mom and I talked about it" He said softly "You're gunna be with me" He said "as long as that isn't a problem for you" Dutchy kissed the side of his head, "its gunna work out." he whispered.

Specs looked at the two, Astrid had been his boss before. And then when the company downsized they had become friends, she had found another job quicker. One that paid more then the old one and had hired him as a cleaner. Both her and Dutchy worked most of the day and Specs had started to pick Sven up from school when they couldn't or take him to a friends house. Eventually he had become part of the small family. The fact that Astrid would dye was always a possibility after the first tumor in her breast had been found, but the possibility of it spreading had seemed unreal. Now the cancer was all over.

Dutchy gulped crying heavily onto the boy's shoulder as he did the same. Sven yelled out "IT ISN'T FAIR!" as he beat and clawed at Dutchy's leather jacket. Dutchy gulped sobbing out in pain.

Specs gulped back his tears and let them grieve how they needed to. He immediately went and made a delicious dinner.

An hour later at the dinner table, both of the blonde's had done some grieving, both were sullen and quiet as they poked at their potatoes and Sven clearly ignored his vegetables. Specs sighed as the quiet permeated the room. He didn't understand. When he had heard last year that she had cancer the two hadn't been this broken up. But now they were, and they weren't talking about it. The most that had been said was when Sven had wondered about his placement after.

Both Dutchy and Sven were normally huge talkers. They couldn't shut up, Sven talking about his day at school. Embellishing certain facts. And Dutchy asking questions and talking about what happened at the theater where he worked. Astrid had always been insistent that the dinner table was for conversation and that all grudges and beefs had to be left at the door. She had also insisted that they go on with their lives when she had been in hospital the first time.

The silence just didn't feel right. Specs looked up "So what do you think of the food?" he asked bravely.

"What the fuck!" Dutchy yelled pushing away from the table. "She's DYING Specs and all you care about is the fucking food!" he glared back as he walked into the room that he and Astrid had shared for five years. Specs sighed putting his head in his hands.

"Its good" Sven mumbled, trying to make things right. "I don't like the carrots, but I never do" He gulped crying again.

Specs sighed, unsure how to help the two.

The next day as Dutchy dropped off Sven on his way to the hospital Sven looked up at him "Mom would hate how we were yesterday." Dutchy nodded hugging him Astrid had been obsessed with manners. And the dinner table was no place to do anything rash. It was the only thing that she had really kept from her uptown upbringing.

"I know, I'll apologize to Specs." He said "Now, go to school, and have fun. I'll pick you up" He smiled, "I'll tell your mom we're thinking of her" Sven gripped onto him.

"I don't want her to die" He gulped "I don't want to be alone" he sobbed again. Dutchy smiled slightly picking him up easily.

"I'll call the school" He said softly, kissing the side of his head "Lets go visit her" Dutchy said putting him down. "You can come to work with me. You wanna do that?" He gulped back tears.

"Yeah" Sven said softly.

"This isn't gunna be a normal thing" Dutchy laughed lightly "you still have to go to school." Sven smiled as they walked to the subway.

"Is mom gunna recognize me?" he asked looking up at Dutchy "She's not like almost dead?"

Dutchy grinned "She'll remember you, of course. You're her son. She looks like she did two days ago. Nothing's changed."

"Why is she dying?" Sven asked softly "Why her? Mom didn't do anything."

Dutchy sighed as they got on the subway "Sven, I don't know." He said "and I thought we talked about this."

"We did, but then it was all "what if" now its real. Why mom?" he asked again. "Mom was good and she didn't do anything wrong. She never did."

"You're mom got sick" Dutchy said using the same words he had when the question was posed two months ago, three, four, six, last year. He gulped "There's no rhyme or reason as to why. It just happened. Like when your grandma fell two years ago. It just happened. Bad things happen to good people its just life."

The subway stopped and the two got out walking up to Beth Israel hospital. As they entered the stillness shocked them, New York was always loud and the sudden stillness of the hospital was unnerving. Sven walked a little closer to Dutchy and almost took his hand. He watched as people sobbed, much in the manner that he had last night. It scared him the raw emotion shown in public. Dutchy signed them in and as they walked to his mom's room Sven waved at a nurse. He had gotten to know some of them well in the past year.

His mother was laying on the bed looking thin, her hair thinner then normal. It was the same corn silk white as his own. Sven gulped walking over "Mommy?" He asked, his voice sounding much more like a three year old who was lost and had just found who he hoped was his mother.

Dutchy leaned against the wall listening to the two of them talk. He smiled slightly as Sven crawled up on his mom's bed and hugged her, delicately.

"I'm gunna go get some coffee" He smiled and Astrid nodded slightly.

Dutchy took the familiar trek to the cafeteria and handed over the two bucks for a cup of cheap coffee in a Styrofoam cup. His hands wrapped around the warmth. He closed his eyes, trying to imagine life with out Astrid in the world. She had been part of his life for so long. Her beauty was everywhere in the apartment she was going to leave to him, photographs of the three of them. All looking so similar that they could be related. The Norse coloring had confused teachers for many years. Always addressing them as "Mr. And Mrs. Duchart" only to be corrected as Astrid would smile and say "He's Duchart, I'm Magnassum, like my son."

He smiled. Astrid was more then a partner, she was his best friend and companion. He had expected many years with her. Not this. He really had expected to have her grow old with him. This was something he hadn't planned. Dutch wasn't a big planner. One of the reasons the two had never gotten married. He liked to live life by the moment. His life revolved around a series of events that weren't connected in anyway that you could see but he knew. This wasn't one of those events he wanted to know.

Part of him wanted to give up and cry all the time. But he knew that now Sven was counting on him, he couldn't become withdrawn and storm around the apartment as he would have liked. He had to keep working. And he might have to let Specs go. The guy was perfect and he was a wonderful help right now. But after Astrid was gone it would be just him and Sven and they wouldn't need someone to cook and clean. He sighed leaning against the wall. It was all too complicated.

Dutchy sighed walking up to the room smiling as he stood in the doorway and watching Sven talk about the previous day at school, animated and his mother smiling at him, adoring her son.

"Hey" He smiled Sven looked up and grinned "Can I have some alone time with your mom?" he asked "You can go down and get something from the vending machines." He bribed seeing Sven's reluctance. Sven agreed taking the offered dollar from Dutchy and running down the hall. "So how are you?" Duthcy asked softly.

"Fine" Astrid smiled "don't worry so much" she said as he walked over kissing her lightly. She touched his face "You're getting wrinkles, and they don't look right." She said, her voice calm.

"I don't want to loose you" He whispered sitting next to her taking her hand and kissing it, "I can't imagine life without you" He gulped back tears. "Its not fair" He mumbled feeling like a child.

"Dutch" she said softly looking up at him "You'll be fine." She whispered "And I don't know how long I have," Her cornflower blue eyes watching him. "I need to know you'll be okay when I'm gone. I don't need much. I know Sven will be okay with you, and I know you'll be able to keep the apartment. I just need to know you'll be able to go on."

Dutchy smiled "I'll be okay"

"So who's going to replace me?" She laughed "Hope they're hot" Dutchy smiled slightly holding her hand again.

"Not for a while." He smiled

"Just don't be miserable. I hate it when you mope" She grinned "And be happy. I'm dying not you" She whispered kissing him lightly. "So live."

The next months passed in a series of hospital visits, troubles at school and innumerable problems at the theater. Specs was cooking at home when the phone call came. Astrid had died.

The week after that was spent mourning. The family had dropped off the charts. The rooms were closed, Specs making dinner and then them quietly sitting and eating.

The funeral happened too quickly. Dutchy remembered giving the eulogy "The thing that she always said what that she wanted us to be happy. To remind us that she was dying not us. She wanted us to remember her but move on."

Specs had helped him walk the casket up the hearse. His eyes capturing Dutchy's own blue ones. Dutchy smiled at him, tears in his eyes.

And suddenly it was a month later. Specs had found another job, but was still living in the apartment, paying rent and helping out with everything.

A month after the two men were sitting watching a movie and Dutch started crying. Specs' hands held him as he shook. Their lips touch. Sven sees.

Specs moves into the room that Astrid and Dutchy shared, and stops paying rent. He instead helps with everything.

Sven spends the summer vacation at the theater when Dutchy works. Dutchy is happy again. And the show goes off with out many problems. Sven auditions for the next show and gets a part. He plays one of the boys in Oliver Twist and is an understudy for Oliver. Oliver gets sick the week before opening night and he is Oliver. Dutchy couldn't be prouder.

When school goes back Specs is still in the apartment. Sven has adjusted to them, they are still very private about their relationship.

Dutch goes to a parent teacher conference, puzzled as to why. He is the boy's legal guardian but Sven has been getting good grades and there shouldn't be any problems. Apparently the teacher is worried about him, the idea that Sven might have a hard time understanding why after his mother died his father would have a. And that was followed by a lot of poignant looks and coughs.

And then Dutchy realizes what it is. Its that she thinks him disgusting and wonders if he is a good parent.

"Sven has had many conversations with both me and Specs" he says. "And its better then me moping around the house."

Dutch leaves then and talks to Sven about going to a new school.

It is Sven's birthday. And they throw him a party at the theater. He is now Eight. The three sit at the apartment after. All having eaten too much cake and ice cream. Sven is watching the DVD one of his new friends gave him.

Dutchy leans over and kisses Specs. They smile.


End file.
